It's getting to be that time, when we're actually going to get in the RV and live in it. I can't tell if I'm excited or I want to throw up - maybe it's a little bit of both! The other night (maybe last Thursday) J. asked me, "So, do you want to put the mattress in Old Gal now so we can sleep in there?" Without a moment's hesitation I cried, "NO!!!" Feeling panicked but needing an excuse for this I said lamely, "Umm, I mean, I don't want to sleep in there until we get the fridge fixed. It still smells a little like ammonia". J. did not question this, and instead said I had a good point.
Phew. Close one!
While I love the idea of this plan, I am terrified at the actual implementation of the plan. A lot of my friends say that we are so lucky to be able to do something like this and that it will be an adventure, both of which are true. But let's be real: it's close quarters, there's not a lot of space for stuff or moving around, and it's all a little odd. Oh, I think that all my friends are right and it will be an awesome adventure, but until we actually set off, it's anxiety-producing. I try to keep myself calm by just focusing on the tasks I have for each day, without thinking too hard about the next step. We just finished our second week of Moving Sale, and I am so glad it's over! It was such a lot of work!! But overall it was successful. We met a lot of nice people, a few wacky people, and some of our things found new homes. Now we have to figure out what to do with what's leftover (and there's a lot of it), finish packing the RV, finish emptying the house. I'll try to focus on those things and not the fact that we're about to actually walk away from our house and it's foundation, and board a bus in which to live. It's cool, but there's always that little teeny tiny 'but what if...' in my head. 'But what if this happens or that happens? Then what?' is a streaming ticker-tape on the bottom of the screen in my head, like you see on CNN or CNBC. No matter what I'm doing, that endless repetition of doubtful questions buzzes in the back of my brain.
I have let fear make decisions for me before, and I've always regretted it. I admire people who aren't afraid of everything, the way I am. I've had to be brave many times now in my short life, and I've always survived, so I have to trust that I'll deal with whatever comes our way. One of the things I love about J. is that he just isn't as afraid of things as I am. He's not afraid of much. Amazing! He helps me to keep growing as a person, and to keep taking chances. He is just the person I need to temper my fears. I also admire and trust his ability to drive, fix, and maintain an RV, and to keep going even when things are tough. So for now I'll focus on packing the RV and the other priority tasks and try not to focus on fear!
We are planning to leave exactly a week from today! Woohoo! Oh Crap!!!
I packed some of my clothes in the RV, and it's just not a lot of space! I have a little closet about 18 inches wide and an overhead cabinet the size of 2 drawers. I've gotten rid of bags and bags of clothes, and I feel like I have nothing left, but I will have to get rid of more. I knew we weren't going to be able to bring a whole lot with us, but the reality is really starting to hit home. It is hard to let so much go, but I just keep telling myself, "I am not my things! I am not my things!"
In the house we have 2 recliners and a bed left in terms of furniture, and a fridge but no oven or stove, because we sold them. We have a working stove in the RV but no refrigerator (the part is coming Wednesday). It's a little crazy! One of the TVs didn't sell (25 bucks for a perfect 25" TV and no takers!) so we still have some entertainment at least! My poor dog Freddie doesn't know what to do with herself! She knows big changes are coming and she's doing that thing where she's afraid we'll leave her behind or something. Can I blame her for being scared? I know the feeling. Just one more week, and then we're going. The empty house makes it feel real. I am excited! This is going to be so cool! I can't wait to get to New Mexico - oh wait, I'm not feeling so good...
