We bought an RV.
An older one, that had been sitting in south Florida for 3 years.
Can you say 'musty'?
How about 'smelly'?
Oh, and everything has a light green coating of fuzz! J., my hubby, was so excited about it when he drove it home and into our yard. It was really hard to put on a happy face when I first stepped inside it and the smell hit me like a basketball to the head - jarring, dizzying, and nauseating.
"Isn't this great?" J. said with the excitement of a boy getting his first dirt bike. "Well, it's something!" was all I could say. I sat on the off-white leather couch - hmmm, comfy. I tried to imagine us living in this thing full-time, but the thought made my stomach lurch so I pushed that out of my mind and tried to breathe. Uck, that smell! This was not good. He says I ruin everything he's excited about by my negativity, and I didn't want to do that this time around, but he knows me too well to be fooled by some false optimism.
"I'll get used to it. It'll take a while, but right now, this is the best I can do". Honesty being the best policy, I figured I would have time to get excited about it for real. In the meantime, we set about fixing it up - I washed every surface, drawer, and closet, eliminating the green fuzz, and he gave it a new bed frame. We changed it from 2 twin beds to one queen-size platform. He worked on various mechanical issues - it's a 1987, and even though it has a new engine and a new generator, there are a million little things that don't work and need attention. Then we got 2 feet of snow. That put us off our schedule - we were trying to leave by the beginning of April. The snow melted, we got back to work on the RV, and then I found out I needed surgery.
Do I need this? Someone came up with the saying "When it rains it pours" for a reason! It's because it's true! It turns out I had had an ectopic pregnancy and it had to be removed. This was not a planned pregnancy, but it made us sad just the same. We had created a baby, but it couldn't survive. Don't ask me how we would have raised a newborn in an RV, but that's something to ponder another day. I went into the hospital for same-day surgery last Tuesday, and all went well. The doctor did it laporoscopically, meaning he only made 3 small incisions, but he said I had been bleeding into my belly and my fallopian tube was a mess, so he removed it. I've never really had surgery before, so I was scared to death, but I made it through and am recovering nicely. I got sick from the anesthesia and my doctor had me stay overnight. Other than that, it went very well and the pain in my abdomen from the incisions gets a little better each day.
As I've been convalescing, it made me think: how many stressors can one person have at any one time? As many as you can handle, I suppose, but I really don't want to find out how many I can handle. We don't have steady jobs, we're losing our house, we get calls from creditors all the time, we have to ration money for gas and anything else we need, we have no health insurance, we have to sell most of our possessions as fast as we can, and on top of all that, I had to have surgery. It's a lot to juggle.
The one thing we do have is each other, and that's a lot. J. took such good care of me in the hospital and after, and I have been able to be much more positive about the RV in recent weeks. I have learned that 'things' don't matter, but people do. As corny as it sounds, go and hug the people you care about, and be present when you're with those you love. The love and support of each other, family and friends are what have kept us going. That love will continue to sustain us, because that's all that really matters. So when all these stressful things rear their ugly heads, I think about the amazing nurses who made me laugh and gave me pain meds; the friends and family we laughed with yesterday at the Easter lunch; and my friends who don't live close but are only a phone call away.
So maybe i did need all this, to show me what's really important. I thought I knew, but now I really get it. I hope all of you do, too!
We're hoping to be outta here in 2 to 3 weeks, but we still have a lot to do to make that happen!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Oh, New Mexico!
In my last post I said we were moving, but I didn't say where. Or how we were going to get there. Well it's time to share the news. We're going to Albuquerque, New Mexico!
Shocking, no?
Wait - it gets better! I had mentioned that we were going to be like the Joads in "The Grapes of Wrath", moving west with all our things heaped up on our vehicle, looking for work and a better life. Well, we're following the Joads quite literally. We bought an old RV, a 33 foot Holiday Rambler that has good working parts and a pretty interior, and we're going to live in it for awhile! We are in the process of packing up, selling, and giving away much of our stuff, and we're planning to leave PA in just a few weeks. It's a kooky idea, but it is going to work! This will enable us to get back on our feet and be productive again!
When my husband first suggested this to me, I laughed. Actually I laughed the first 3 times he said it. Then I got nervous that he wasn't kidding, and then I got angry. "We are NOT living in an RV! I'm not going to talk about this seriously with you!" I shouted at him. Still, he persisted. He presented an interesting idea, and gradually I started to listen. Then I actually started to come around, to think that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
We're losing our house. We're too far behind in the mortgage payments, and we still don't have real jobs. I've been working for 2 years as a substitute teacher in 3 different school districts, and the work is not steady. J. continued to look for work after the car dealership where he was working closed down, but he had no luck. He applied for jobs big and small, and didn't get any of them. We could continue to stay here and drown slowly as we've been doing, or we could do something more drastic.
Once I jumped on board, things moved quickly. J. mentioned our idea to a friend who's brother-in-law happened to be selling an old RV. The only problem was that he lives in Florida. We had been watching various ebay auctions of older RVs, and realized that we would probably have to travel far to find one in our meager price range. Why not talk to this guy and see what he was offering? So J. traveled to FL, saw the RV which is named "Old Gal", and fell in love. A very reasonable deal was struck, and J. found himself driving a Class A motor home from South Florida to PA. He had to stop a number of times to get a few things fixed - Old Gal hadn't been on the road in a few years, and needed some TLC. Finally he made it to South Carolina and we were chatting on the phone, when I suddenly realized he was driving right into one of the largest snow storms the east coast had ever seen!
"Um, honey? Have you looked at the weather forecast by any chance?"
"No, what's up?"
"Well, basically, there's a giant snow storm coming tomorrow that's supposed to cover the entire area from Virginia to Pennsylvania, and it's going to be bad."
I won't share the epithets that came after that.
He found himself a campground in North Carolina and laid low for a few days. When he finally made it home a full two weeks after he left, I took one look at that giant behemoth in my yard and knew that my life had irrevocably changed.
Shocking, no?
Wait - it gets better! I had mentioned that we were going to be like the Joads in "The Grapes of Wrath", moving west with all our things heaped up on our vehicle, looking for work and a better life. Well, we're following the Joads quite literally. We bought an old RV, a 33 foot Holiday Rambler that has good working parts and a pretty interior, and we're going to live in it for awhile! We are in the process of packing up, selling, and giving away much of our stuff, and we're planning to leave PA in just a few weeks. It's a kooky idea, but it is going to work! This will enable us to get back on our feet and be productive again!
When my husband first suggested this to me, I laughed. Actually I laughed the first 3 times he said it. Then I got nervous that he wasn't kidding, and then I got angry. "We are NOT living in an RV! I'm not going to talk about this seriously with you!" I shouted at him. Still, he persisted. He presented an interesting idea, and gradually I started to listen. Then I actually started to come around, to think that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
We're losing our house. We're too far behind in the mortgage payments, and we still don't have real jobs. I've been working for 2 years as a substitute teacher in 3 different school districts, and the work is not steady. J. continued to look for work after the car dealership where he was working closed down, but he had no luck. He applied for jobs big and small, and didn't get any of them. We could continue to stay here and drown slowly as we've been doing, or we could do something more drastic.
Once I jumped on board, things moved quickly. J. mentioned our idea to a friend who's brother-in-law happened to be selling an old RV. The only problem was that he lives in Florida. We had been watching various ebay auctions of older RVs, and realized that we would probably have to travel far to find one in our meager price range. Why not talk to this guy and see what he was offering? So J. traveled to FL, saw the RV which is named "Old Gal", and fell in love. A very reasonable deal was struck, and J. found himself driving a Class A motor home from South Florida to PA. He had to stop a number of times to get a few things fixed - Old Gal hadn't been on the road in a few years, and needed some TLC. Finally he made it to South Carolina and we were chatting on the phone, when I suddenly realized he was driving right into one of the largest snow storms the east coast had ever seen!
"Um, honey? Have you looked at the weather forecast by any chance?"
"No, what's up?"
"Well, basically, there's a giant snow storm coming tomorrow that's supposed to cover the entire area from Virginia to Pennsylvania, and it's going to be bad."
I won't share the epithets that came after that.
He found himself a campground in North Carolina and laid low for a few days. When he finally made it home a full two weeks after he left, I took one look at that giant behemoth in my yard and knew that my life had irrevocably changed.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A New Start
It's been awhile since I've posted anything here, mostly because I was watching our rapid decline and thinking, "Who the hell would want to read this???" But it's time to move on, literally and figuratively.
I've been substitute teaching in 3 different school districts, and J., my wonderful husband, hasn't been able to find work for the past 2 and 1/2 months. He was working at a car dealership for a few months, but they closed down after he was there for only 3 months, and he hasn't been able to find anything since.
We're drowning in bills, and we're never going to be able to catch up. We're doing everythng we can, but it's not adding up.
So, we're moving. We're planning on selling as much of our things as we can - books, tvs, furniture, tools, and then we're going to use what we get out of that to start over. For many of my friends, this economic downturn has been a cause for concern, but hasn't changed their lifestyles in any way. For J. & I, we're living a modern day Depression, complete with food stamps and very little money coming in, and a bleak forcast for our employment future in our current location. So, like the Joad family in "The Grapes of Wrath", we're packing up all we can carry, and moving to warmer climes with hopes of better prospects. I know the Joads started out in Oklahoma so the warmer climes part doesn't really apply to them, but we're starting out in the Pocono Mountains in northeastern PA. It's cold here. Really cold. We figure someplace warmer will mean less heating costs in the winter! And hey - in a warmer climate, if we can't find a place to live that we can afford, we can always stay in my tent! We have some cities in mind - well, we've really narrowed it down to one area, in the southwest. It'll be completely different environs than what we're used to - we both grew up in the suburbs of NJ, and neither of us has ever set foot in the state we're interested in, so it is going to be a bit of a culture shock! But they say when you're falling, dive, and that's what we're doing. We're diving. We're moving on with intention, not just letting things happen to us until we're literally out of money and on the street. I like to think that this experience will make me a better person, or enrich me in some way, but really I think I could have done without it!!! Or maybe not. Maybe this is going to be the most exciting and wonderful experience of my life! At this moment, anything is possible.
I've been substitute teaching in 3 different school districts, and J., my wonderful husband, hasn't been able to find work for the past 2 and 1/2 months. He was working at a car dealership for a few months, but they closed down after he was there for only 3 months, and he hasn't been able to find anything since.
We're drowning in bills, and we're never going to be able to catch up. We're doing everythng we can, but it's not adding up.
So, we're moving. We're planning on selling as much of our things as we can - books, tvs, furniture, tools, and then we're going to use what we get out of that to start over. For many of my friends, this economic downturn has been a cause for concern, but hasn't changed their lifestyles in any way. For J. & I, we're living a modern day Depression, complete with food stamps and very little money coming in, and a bleak forcast for our employment future in our current location. So, like the Joad family in "The Grapes of Wrath", we're packing up all we can carry, and moving to warmer climes with hopes of better prospects. I know the Joads started out in Oklahoma so the warmer climes part doesn't really apply to them, but we're starting out in the Pocono Mountains in northeastern PA. It's cold here. Really cold. We figure someplace warmer will mean less heating costs in the winter! And hey - in a warmer climate, if we can't find a place to live that we can afford, we can always stay in my tent! We have some cities in mind - well, we've really narrowed it down to one area, in the southwest. It'll be completely different environs than what we're used to - we both grew up in the suburbs of NJ, and neither of us has ever set foot in the state we're interested in, so it is going to be a bit of a culture shock! But they say when you're falling, dive, and that's what we're doing. We're diving. We're moving on with intention, not just letting things happen to us until we're literally out of money and on the street. I like to think that this experience will make me a better person, or enrich me in some way, but really I think I could have done without it!!! Or maybe not. Maybe this is going to be the most exciting and wonderful experience of my life! At this moment, anything is possible.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Possible New Job!
I can't express how happy I am that I have a job interview tomorrow. SO happy!!! And guess what? It's for a part-time job as a retail worker at a local Turkey Hill store - a convenience store attached to a gas station. I haven't worked retail since my 2-week stint at Caldor's as a senior in high school! But I'm stoked! I will be the hardest worker they've ever seen - I will clean the bathrooms, make sandwiches, hand out cigarettes (but only to people who look over 27) and anything else they want me to do. I don't even know what minimum wage is these days - $7 an hour? Something like that. I don't care! If I work 20 hours a week, at $7/hr. that's $140, less taxes, which would be, okay, only about $100/week, but it's something. As opposed to what I'm making now - nada. However, I don't have the job yet - I have an interview tomorrow. Hmmm... what does one wear to an interview of this type? A suit seems like overkill! Wish me luck, because the way things have been going, I'm going to need it!
I'm eagerly awaiting the start of school, but I have to remind myself that subbing is not regular work. Teachers try to avoid being out as much as possible the first month of school. It messes things up. So I may not be subbing very much during the month of September. I'll keep my fingers crossed that some teachers have an unexpected (and not too bad!) bug that will get me in the schools and making some money. I want to have the luxury of being upset about not having a regular job teaching yet, but right now all I'm really concerned about is survival. We need to be able to keep our house and keep the lights on, but it's tough going. Right now J. is only bringing home $300 a week - his draw at his job selling automobiles. We are having trouble paying bills and living on that, which is why my new possible job will be a welcome thing.
I have been feeling so very down that I haven't wanted to write this blog at all, but I will keep attempting to work on it, because writing is good and it's supposed to be cathartic! Things just have to get better! They have to! They say that the one constant in life is that things will change. Well, they can always get worse, I know that, but I'm hoping that we've been through enough hardship for a little while. Please god, help us be strong enough to get through this with a roof over our heads and love in our hearts.
I'm eagerly awaiting the start of school, but I have to remind myself that subbing is not regular work. Teachers try to avoid being out as much as possible the first month of school. It messes things up. So I may not be subbing very much during the month of September. I'll keep my fingers crossed that some teachers have an unexpected (and not too bad!) bug that will get me in the schools and making some money. I want to have the luxury of being upset about not having a regular job teaching yet, but right now all I'm really concerned about is survival. We need to be able to keep our house and keep the lights on, but it's tough going. Right now J. is only bringing home $300 a week - his draw at his job selling automobiles. We are having trouble paying bills and living on that, which is why my new possible job will be a welcome thing.
I have been feeling so very down that I haven't wanted to write this blog at all, but I will keep attempting to work on it, because writing is good and it's supposed to be cathartic! Things just have to get better! They have to! They say that the one constant in life is that things will change. Well, they can always get worse, I know that, but I'm hoping that we've been through enough hardship for a little while. Please god, help us be strong enough to get through this with a roof over our heads and love in our hearts.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
No Fat Waittresses!
I understand why restaurants wouldn't want to hire waitresses who are, well, fat. I could say plus-sized, or zaftig, or Reubenesque, or one of those other euphemisms, but we know what we're talking about here. Fat is fat. They don't want to hire fat people because a) They don't want you to be thinking about what you could look like if you eat/order a bunch of their food, and b) They don't want you knocking over people's plates with your big butt.
But what if you just need a job and you happen to be, well, zaftig? It's not like half the population can't relate! A good many of the people eating out are obese themselves, so what does it matter? We're all friends, right? Apparently not. In case you haven't guessed, I'm pretty large myself, and have been applying for waittressing jobs. I was hired at one place, and worked for 2 days and did a great job, I thought! The customers liked me, and I made about $50 in tips! But then the owner seemed to have a change of heart, and didn't want me to come back... hmmm. Since then I've been applying to everything I can find, but no bites. They sound interested on the phone, but when they meet me, there's some obvious disappointment. I'm not ugly, I don't think, but the extra weight makes people look right through me. It's not like I didn't know that we live in a very visual, thin-obsessed society. But I keep hoping that someone will look past the fat girl and just see the girl who just wants to work hard and make some money.
To be fair, I only have teaching jobs on my resume, and the other aspect of this is that I think some places see me as overqualified, and even if I tell them I want to work part-time during the school year (which is true), they seem to think I will leave when school starts. But if they were interested over the phone, when I show up, I see the disappointment in their eyes and I leave feeling incredibly foolish.
So the obvious question is, "Well why don't you just lose weight?" Yeah. I know. But when you've got no money to go out, and you're worried about how you're going to make the next mortgage payment or any payment for that matter, and you like to eat, food becomes one of your few comforts. I feel like I've had to give up most other things, and I'm not going to give up food. But maybe enough's enough. I wish I were more accepted for what I look like now, but it's not like I'm happy being overweight. So maybe I can find some other comforts to keep me going. Like exercise! In the meantime, the search for a job continues.
But what if you just need a job and you happen to be, well, zaftig? It's not like half the population can't relate! A good many of the people eating out are obese themselves, so what does it matter? We're all friends, right? Apparently not. In case you haven't guessed, I'm pretty large myself, and have been applying for waittressing jobs. I was hired at one place, and worked for 2 days and did a great job, I thought! The customers liked me, and I made about $50 in tips! But then the owner seemed to have a change of heart, and didn't want me to come back... hmmm. Since then I've been applying to everything I can find, but no bites. They sound interested on the phone, but when they meet me, there's some obvious disappointment. I'm not ugly, I don't think, but the extra weight makes people look right through me. It's not like I didn't know that we live in a very visual, thin-obsessed society. But I keep hoping that someone will look past the fat girl and just see the girl who just wants to work hard and make some money.
To be fair, I only have teaching jobs on my resume, and the other aspect of this is that I think some places see me as overqualified, and even if I tell them I want to work part-time during the school year (which is true), they seem to think I will leave when school starts. But if they were interested over the phone, when I show up, I see the disappointment in their eyes and I leave feeling incredibly foolish.
So the obvious question is, "Well why don't you just lose weight?" Yeah. I know. But when you've got no money to go out, and you're worried about how you're going to make the next mortgage payment or any payment for that matter, and you like to eat, food becomes one of your few comforts. I feel like I've had to give up most other things, and I'm not going to give up food. But maybe enough's enough. I wish I were more accepted for what I look like now, but it's not like I'm happy being overweight. So maybe I can find some other comforts to keep me going. Like exercise! In the meantime, the search for a job continues.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Looking for a Job
I don't really have any idea what I'm doing, but I felt the need to start writing about what's going on in my life, and maybe someone might read it and have suggestions or support or just laugh! I've written in a journal sporadically over the years, but I don't like writing to myself. I'm critical of my own writing, I talk back to myself, and it rarely helps rid me of the angst or whatever motivated me to write in the first place. So I thought I'd try a blog. If not one single person ever reads this (which I realize is a distinct possibility) that'll be okay too. Just need to do something different.
So I had a great job teaching English in NJ, and then I met my future husband. I wasn't happy in NJ - all my friends had moved away and I spent a lot of time visiting them, grading papers or going on bad eharmony dates. After a year of dating and driving 2 hours each way to see each other, we decided to get married and merge our lives. I had no great love of New Jersey, although I did dearly love my job for the first time in my 10 years of teaching. I had been there for 3 years, and had just gotten tenure. The pay was decent - not at the top of the payscale for the area, but not at the bottom either. I had great benefits, good work friends, and I loved the kids. It was a small town, and the people were generally very friendly and kind. I had just created the middle school's first newspaper, and would have been the coach of the JV softball team for the high school the following year. Things were going well - but my fiance was a realtor and it wasn't feasible for him to pack up and start his business all over again. Also, he owned his house and I was only renting; it was much more expensive to live in NJ than in the mountains of PA where he was from. I rationalized that it would be easy for me to find another job; afterall, I had always found a teaching job when I needed one; I was a great interviewer, and I had the aforementioned Master's Degree. So, with some sadness and trepidation, I made the decision to leave my job and move to Pennsylvania. I loved my fiance dearly, and we were both hard-working people. We'd find a way to make it work! Little did we know what we were getting ourselves into...
So I had a great job teaching English in NJ, and then I met my future husband. I wasn't happy in NJ - all my friends had moved away and I spent a lot of time visiting them, grading papers or going on bad eharmony dates. After a year of dating and driving 2 hours each way to see each other, we decided to get married and merge our lives. I had no great love of New Jersey, although I did dearly love my job for the first time in my 10 years of teaching. I had been there for 3 years, and had just gotten tenure. The pay was decent - not at the top of the payscale for the area, but not at the bottom either. I had great benefits, good work friends, and I loved the kids. It was a small town, and the people were generally very friendly and kind. I had just created the middle school's first newspaper, and would have been the coach of the JV softball team for the high school the following year. Things were going well - but my fiance was a realtor and it wasn't feasible for him to pack up and start his business all over again. Also, he owned his house and I was only renting; it was much more expensive to live in NJ than in the mountains of PA where he was from. I rationalized that it would be easy for me to find another job; afterall, I had always found a teaching job when I needed one; I was a great interviewer, and I had the aforementioned Master's Degree. So, with some sadness and trepidation, I made the decision to leave my job and move to Pennsylvania. I loved my fiance dearly, and we were both hard-working people. We'd find a way to make it work! Little did we know what we were getting ourselves into...
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